WOUNDS & THE NEW NORMAL

The thing about losing someone...

After a few years, you start getting used to them being gone that you don't even think about it much anymore. You get used to not calling them or them calling you. You start (unintentionally) getting used to them not being in your life at all. Like, you look at your close circle (& in my case my immediate family) & realize that you've been seeing this new circle as "normal" lately. So you do what you can to think about the person you lost. You look at pictures. You watch videos. You reread old text messages. You actively do whatever you can to bring this person back to the forefront because as much as it hurts to think of them again- as much as it hurts to reopen that wound- it hurts a hell of a lot more to get comfortable in this new "normal." You don't want this new "normal" because you know there's nothing normal about that person missing from your life now. 

I miss my sister. I almost started crying waiting at the mechanic's cuz I was going through her pictures. I hate hate hate that sometimes I forget she was here once. Call me a masochist but sometimes I don't like that the wound is healing. 

I don't know if that makes any sense...